If you’re feeling mad, sad, frustrated, or just plain bad…

you probably need less of something…

not more of anything else.

You need less of the situation, substance, activity, or place that’s causing you trouble. And finding a smart, courageous, maybe even elegant solution to that problem takes work.

Buying more things (“retail therapy”) as a way to quiet the bad feelings is only gonna make that work harder. Sure, buying a new shirt, watch, or pair of shoes might feel good for a little while. But not only does it allow the true issue to fester and grow, in a nasty twist, using spending to soothe often devalues the damn thing you just bought which you otherwise might have really enjoyed.

Running towards shopping doesn’t mean you’re still not running from something else.

I know this because I do this. Like, all the time.

One of my recurring issues is that I don’t feel like I’m enough. Enough of a man, enough of a professional, enough of a thinking & reasoning person, instead of an emotional, arrogant, selfishly-delusional piece of blood-luggage. And that can make me resentful when I work my tail off to be more of the former and less of the latter, and I end up feeling like that effort doesn’t yield results, or goes unrecognized by either myself and/or what I perceive to be the world writ large.

So? I’ll often buy myself some trinket I’ve had my eye on and rationalize it as a reward. Because “if I don’t do this for myself, right now, who will?”

It’s a classic retail therapy move.

Yet here’s what inevitably happens…

“What’s in the box?“

I got a package the other day. It was a style-related purchase I had been wanting for a while, and was even working towards/saving for. I wasn’t there yet on the budget, but recently I had burned out from putting in a lot of work yet once again, I still didn’t feel like “enough.” So the retail therapy habit loop sets in and POW I smashed that “purchase” button on the thing I wanted.

And when it arrived… it sat unopened. For like, four days.

Sound familiar?

I just wasn’t excited about it. I was still burned out because I hadn’t yet fixed the real issue. (And still haven’t!) What I needed was less… less deadlines, less crushing fear of personal and professional decay, less doom scrolling, less insomnia, less frustration with what’s getting valued in society and what’s not…

And instead I loaded up with a new “more.” More stress on the bank account, more clutter, more back-and-forth over whether I should return it or not. And worse yet, more disappointment in myself because while I wanted a thing and was working towards it, I went about it the wrong way. Which has only devalued what would have otherwise been a pretty cool new addition, as well as fueling my “I guess I’m not enough” thoughts.

Turns out a new blazer won’t help burnout,
a new watch won’t help loneliness,
and a new pair of pants won’t help existential dread.

Clothes, watches, shoes… they’re all tools. Often for the pursuit of fulfilling things like socialization, economic security (getting or maintaining employment,) self-confidence, etc.

But like any tool, if you use it wrong it can do real damage. Far more than if you would have just left it alone, sitting there on the shelf, unused.

The next time you want to participate in a little “retail therapy,” go ahead! (wait what?) But try to take a pause first. Don’t ignore that really cool thing you want. Acknowledge it. Bookmark it. Save it. Write it down and stick it in a drawer (virtual or digital). And give it an hour. Or maybe a day. Give that “more” a little bit “less” of your attention and energy.

With some time you may feel differently. The immediacy of the desire might fade. And while you’re waiting, consider the problem that was pushing you towards the retail therapist’s couch all along. The fix almost always exists in the realm of “less,” and not in the acquisition of one more “more.”

#1. Set your clothes out the night before. On a valet, the back of a chair, or aside in your closet. You’ll feel better because you’ll be in less of a rush, and you’ll look better because you’ll have planned ahead instead of making decisions while still groggy and waking up.

#2. It’s significantly easier to iron a shirt that’s been pulled early from the dryer and is still a little damp.

#3. Shirts with a slightly lowered 2nd button (Ledbury, Proper Cloth, etc.) are worth the expense. No more getting stuck between unbuttoning just the top button and feeling too stuffy, and unbuttoning two buttons and showing too much chest.

How a shirt with a (slightly) lowered 2nd button looks with the top undone.

#4. When you find a good barber as well as a good tailor, stick with them, treat them well, and hold on to them for as long as you can. They’ll help make you and your clothes look and feel terrific.

#5. Go to a good shoe store and get measured with a brannock device. After that, buy your true shoe size and width. Not what you think you should be or what you’ve always worn. Your true actual size and width. If you’re a wide, buy wide shoes and sneakers, and research lasts to find shoes with shapes that are more accommodating. Don’t default to purchasing “D only” (medium width) shoes and sneakers. If you’re a narrow width, have high arches, or other unique foot features, do your research, ask questions, and adapt accordingly. Your feet are your wheels. The rest of the car can look awesome, but if you’ve got a bum wheel, it’s no fun getting around.

#6. Quick release watch bracelets and straps might feel a little cheesy, but they’re 1000% easier to use than a spring bar tool. Which means you’ll get a lot more wear for your watch investments, spendy or cheap.

Quick release spring bars make it super easy to switch between straps and even bracelets,
greatly increasing a watch’s versatility.

#7. Wear sunscreen early and often in your life. You know this. I know this. We all know this. But not all of us follow through. If you don’t, it’ll catch up to you. The sun’s been around for 4.5 billion years. It’ll turn us all to dust long before it fizzles out.

#8. You can save a lot of money shopping at thrift stores, on ebay, and at TJ Maxx, Ross, etc. Additionally, you can spend a lifetime chasing dead ends at those places too.

#9. Pleats on dress pants and suit trousers come and go in terms of style, but single pleats (just one pleat on either side of the center) are subtle, and most importantly make room for those of us with bigger backsides and thighs. And speaking of sartorial geometry… gusseted casual pants will change your life. Your “undercarriage” deserves good geometry too.

#10. Suede shoes & boots are much more versatile than most think. The matte texture looks good dressed up, dressed down, and in all seasons. They’re also easy to protect and clean.

Suede shoes look great and don’t need to be babied.
Use a water/stain resistant spray, and they’ll handle whatever life throws at them.

#9. An unlined sportcoat in hopsack wool isn’t hot. At all. It also looks great with everything from a smart crewneck to a crisp dress shirt.

#12. Eye-contact is cool as hell. Especially now that everyone is buried in their phones 24/7.  No need to be a creep. But look people in the eye.

#13. Posting every little thing on social media is the opposite of eye-contact. There’s no connection, no oxytocin, and certainly no intrigue. It often feels desperate and sad and it’s an easy trap to get pulled into. We’re all “sharing” but we’re sharing alone. Documenting an event often means you’re not truly experiencing it, so what does that mean when documenting one’s life becomes standard? So yeah. It’s hard, but try to turn the phone off every once in a while. Look up and look around.

Make sure your stuff fits long before the day of a big event.

#14. If you’ve got a big event coming up, practice wearing what you’re gonna wear a couple weeks in advance. Book a nice dinner out, or just wear it at home. It’s like test driving a car or stretching and warming up before a big game. Enclothed cognition is real, but that axe swings both ways. Put on something you’re not used to and you risk feeling (and looking) uncomfortable in it. You don’t want to get out there “cold” and feel weird. Practice may not make perfect, but it does make comfortable. And that’s key. Plus if it doesn’t fit? You’ll have time to find or facilitate a fix.

#15. The fashion media (both new and legacy) is mostly full of shit. They have to make stuff up and push nonsense because too much of style (while relative) is still stubbornly consistent and simple. Making ridiculous declarative statements and/or pushing loud if not obnoxious silliness is incentivized because it’s the only way to cut through the noise now that every knucklhead with a smartphone can unilaterally declare themselves a style expert. But the internet isn’t real life. Not in tone, visuals, emotion, or sensory perception. Dress for real life. Your real life.

4/10/25 Update: After a volatile week, the financial markets (bonds especially) forced a partial, temporary walk back of the “Liberation Day” tariffs imposed by The President on April 2nd. According to the Wall Street Journal, The President “privately acknowledged that his trade policy could trigger a recession but said he wanted to be sure it didn’t cause a depression.” As the temporary rollback is only partial, and as he also raised tariffs on China to 145%, this episode is anything but over.

4/21/25 Update: Via the WSJ: “Administration officials have previously argued that consumers wouldn’t bear the cost of tariff hikes because the dollar would strengthen. A weaker dollar makes it more likely that U.S. importers and retailers will have to pass along price hikes.” (TL;DR/Paywalled synopsis: Crazy comes with costs. Always has.)

5/12/25 Update: After negotiations in Switzerland, for the next 90 days the U.S. will reduce total tariffs on Chinese imports from 145% to 30% (10% reciprocal, 20% tied to fentanyl crisis), whereas China will reduce tariffs on US goods to 10%. The stock market soared on the news, yet it’s worth acknowledging that the pre-“Liberation Day” tariff on Chinese imports was ~20%, and the original Liberation Day reciprocal tariffs on Chinese imports were set at 34%. Also, the termination of the de minimis exemption for made in China goods remains.

Feelings

A handful of people at the top of the U.S. Executive branch seem to feel very strongly in the following ways:

1. Reshoring 20th-century-style manufacturing (mostly low tech production of inexpensive hard goods) would be cheap and easy.
2. Having a trade deficit with a country (see below) is an undeniable indicator they’re ripping us off.
3. The rest of the world has no agency. “We’re the USA. So whattya gonna do about it?”

Those are some strong feelings. They are in those feelings. Deeply. Madly. “Bigly.”

Facts

1. It takes a while to build factories and US unemployment is relatively low. Anti-immigration policies also reduce the number of low*-skilled workers (*you try roofing a house in 100 degree summer heat and see how low-skill that feels).
2. A trade deficit is not an infallible indicator that someone is treating you unfairly. Bangladesh for example (new tariff rate of 37%) is not full of rich rip-off artists cleaning America’s clock. We have a steep trade deficit with them because they don’t purchase enough of our airplanes and nuclear reactors to offset the amount of t-shirts we buy from them. We once made a ton of t-shirts. We still make some t-shirts. But now we make less t-shirts, and more nuclear reactors.
3. The rest of the world will respond (unless the financial markets do it for them first). They don’t have a choice. If they’re frightened into negotiating, they’ll validate this nonsense formula which makes as much real-world sense as 1 + teapot = Montana. Do that, and they’ll set a permission structure which will allow them to be manipulated for any deranged excuse in the future.

“Facts don’t care about your feelings” used to (quite literally) be a slogan of those who are currently in power.

Now before anyone out there grabs a pitchfork and (tiki) torch, just for context… the author of this post is as privileged as he is today in large part because of the United States manufacturing industry. 

Why? Because his Grandpa Chuck ran away from home when he was 16 and got a job in a General Motors plant. And in that plant he worked hard and he worked often and he worked his way up for the next 45 years. That progress and stability allowed his children as well as his children’s children the opportunity to go to reasonably priced public colleges. Two of his three sons went into the service sector (one chemical sales, the other business administration) whereas the third joined the military, and later entered the very same GM plant his father was at, working on higher-end electrical manufacturing equipment.

Multi-generational economic stability matters. And traditionally, the source of that stability has been manufacturing.

But that plant Grandpa Chuck worked at is now closed.

It was shuttered in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis, rising gas prices, and the (then) consumer move away from gas-guzzling SUVs, which was what they made there.

Yes, the U.S. needs more goods-producing Grandpa Chucks, and less idiot fashion blogger Joes. By percentages, right now our labor statistics look about like this:

• 12% Manufacturing/Goods Producing (“Grandpa Chucks”)
• 80% Service Sector
• ~8% Self-Employed, Agriculture, etc.

Yet, and this is important, the U.S. is also the #2 producer of goods in the world:

1. China: $2 trillion per year
2. U.S.: $1.8 trillion per year
3. Japan: $1 trillion per year
4. Germany: $700 billion per year

We still make stuff. A lot of stuff. But there has obviously been a disruptive reallocation of the labor force away from manufacturing and towards the service sector. But just how these tariffs are gonna shift those percentages back towards manufacturing in any meaningful way, without doing so much damage in the process to be counterproductive, seems… unclear.

Marc from IslandWatch with his viral video on how this math works. Or in fact, doesn’t.

The U.S. Rust Belt, South, and many other regions have experienced deep pain caused by globalized free trade and the off-shoring of manufacturing. We’re also still a gigantic manufacturing force, and we should protect AND grow that.

But highly punitive and nonsensical tariffs are both a short term and long term bad idea for precisely those who have already suffered the most. The people who buy mostly cheap, imported goods will feel this more than anyone. The current estimate of the average household consumer loss under these tariffs = $3800 per year. For context, 37% of Americans can’t afford an unexpected, emergency expense over $400, let alone almost four grand. Who do they think does their shopping at Dollar General and Wal Mart? (Sidenote: If you wanna raise revenue for incentivizing American Manufacturing, try making people pay the taxes they already owe. That’s half a trill right there. MAY 2025 UPDATE: Looks like tax revenues are in line with expectations this year, so far. But that was before the slashing IRS enforcement staff. Who knows what next year brings?)

What does this have to do with clothes?

Short term, the price of almost all consumer goods will rise as companies and brands pass on some if not all of the immediate costs to the consumer, and/or rack up additional costs while moving production to locations with less severe tariffs. Prediction: watch for more Made in Jordan, Made in Turkey, and Made in El Salvador clothing labels to start showing up, while Made in China, Made in Bangladesh, and Made in Vietnam labels start fading away. Also, quality control and overall consistency might go haywire. This happened during the latter stages of the pandemic when China shut down, and much of the world’s apparel production got scattered to the winds. It can take a bit for the new places to perfectly replicate the old stuff.

Long term, few if any will invest in building in the United States. It doesn’t make strategic sense, as we’re now seen as unpredictable and unstable. It certainly doesn’t make fiscal sense. The labor force is too expensive and too small to warrant building a significant amount of t-shirt or sneaker factories here. And even with the tariffs, it’s gotta be less expensive to move production to another less-tariffed country, which probably already has many of those facilities and the labor in place. Even if the US did have the labor, wouldn’t shifting towards low-cost-goods manufacturing move our industrial output, on average, down the “value chain?” Grandpa Chuck spending 45 years at the GM plant so his great-grand children could have the opportunity to make t-shirts doesn’t feel like a pitch many politicians could sell on the campaign trail.

Bottom line

There is immense dignity and honor in manufacturing and more physical/less office-y labor. Whether it’s making t-shirts, trucks, turnips, or toasters.

In many (read: most) ways the most secure, calm, and fulfilled I’ve ever felt was when I had a true lunch-pail (ok, mini-cooler) job, and it was so dirty I’d come home, sneeze, and grass and dirt would fly out of my nose (a hearty sweat-stained hat-tip to all the landscapers out there… which admittedly, yes, is a “service” sector job).

But these tariffs are transparently nonsense, strategically stupid, and dangerously backwards looking. We can’t go back. Certainly not like this. Because if we do, the world is gonna move forward without us whether we like it or not. Nobody has a time machine with a flux capacitor in it, ready to rocket us all back to 1955 when the U.S was cranking out transistor radios, wallpaper, and light bulbs. And you can bet if they did, they’d put that flux capacitor in a BYD instead of a Tesla.

Because it’s hard to get up to 88 mph with the body panels flying off.

Note: Whether these tariffs stick or not, Dappered will continue to do our best to cover the best bang-for-the-buck men’s style which balances price, quality, and good looks. Whether it’s made here in the states, or overseas, as we have. But prepare yourselves for price inflation no matter what happens with tariffs. Because even if the administration rolls these things back, words matter. Now that nations, brands, and retailers everywhere have had the crap (and money) scared out of them, you’d have to think they’re gonna batten down the hatches and try to assemble reserves for any future shocks. I mean, see Nike and lululemon. They were more or less told to move production to Vietnam. How’s that working for them?

(Very top photo image: Jason Mavrommatis on Unsplash)

We are living in the age of relentless novelty. Where “new” has supplanted “good” in terms of what we are told to value. Where there is no greater sin than to be boring. Quiet. Still.

But just because something is “something” …that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s any good.

We’re all witness to the daily gasoline fire of trends, fashion, and outfits roaring across our screens. More accessories. More flash. More ugly. More “luxury.” More cheap… yet more spending. Newer. Faster. Louder. MORE.

Shopping apps now designed to be overwhelming and addictive, complete with the dopamine triggering flashing lights, bells, and whistles of a casino. Newer. Faster. Louder. MORE.

Social media platforms (some originally designed for still photography) now saturated with hyper-short-form videos, hitting our eyes and brains with a cognitive pepper-spray of constant movement and change. Newer. Faster. Louder. MORE.

Q: “Here, have a boring wristwatch.”
007: “Does it DO anything?
Q: “It tells the time. Just kidding it’s also a bomb,
but hey at least it DOESN’T have a habit-forming app probably used by a foreign adversary
to surveil users leaving many susceptible to potential emotional and behavioral manipulation.”

But is any of it good? Useful? What about fulfilling?

Or is it just picking at scabs? Empty if not corrosive stimulation. Feeling anything, as long as we feel something.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

When it comes to getting dressed, there is real power in mastering what many would see as boring or uncreative. There is also danger in allowing yourself to get bored with simple well fitting staples, only to become obsessed with standing out as stylistically different and constantly cutting edge. There reaches a point where you risk regression through hyper active pursuit. Like the guy who decides he wants to get healthy, starts hitting the gym, and a few years later he’s lifting weights 3 times a day and injecting livestock growth hormones.

It’s an easy trap to fall into. We all get bored. And that’s okay. Being bored can even be good. The danger with boredom in the digital age is that there are now enormous powers looking to capitalize on boredom. To hijack that space, and to use it to manipulate, sell, and metastasize.

You gotta keep your guard up.

“You have to admit there’s a conflict of interest when you give advice about others’ [shopping/social media habits.]”
“Yes. But that doesn’t mean that I’m wrong.” – (paraphrasing) Danny Ocean, a famously boring dresser

Find your rhythm. If it works, it works. Repetition does not necessarily lead to failure. See the value in standing out quietly. Maintaining perspective. This is NOT to say that change isn’t often needed, demanded, and long overdue. (See, I dunno, codpieces.) But ask yourself… is it really boring? Or is it just boring in the eyes of an app or a brand or an influencer who is desperately trying to sell you something?

There is real power in purposeful stillness. In quiet. In “boring.”

If someone or something seems desperate to tell you differently, and their only argument is “you don’t want to be BORING, do you?” then perhaps it’s their own power they’re truly concerned about.

Because power is transferable.

And right now the conduit through which a lot of power is transferring is by way of the lie that boring is bad, stillness is weak, and novelty is always a positive.

Boring as hell. Still gets the job done.

This computer-automated crap is proliferating. We’ve all seen this stuff. Clunky “this would go with” recommendations. WEIRD outfit amalgamations shoe-horned under production descriptions. Wardobe in a box companies that depend far too much on spreadsheets instead of the human eye.

It all sticks out. Badly. It’s the style-equivalent of calling customer service, and instead of getting a real person, you get stuck in phone-tree hell. All because some over-paid executive who’s never answered (let alone made) a call to customer service thought this automated way would be more “efficient.”

These are actual screenshots.
Love ya J. Crew, but whatever you’re paying for your “how to wear it” software, it’s too much.

It’s a waste of everyone’s time and resources. And now ChatGPT wants to write the next great American novel, by ripping off all the previous great American novels.

Those who are spending millions billions of dollars trying to make human-creativity-replicating artificial intelligence fail to understand something very important. Efficiency and efficacy are not always one and the same. Or to put it another way…

it’s both easier and BETTER for us, if we humans just did the creative, communicative work.

They’re called “intangibles” for a reason.

“Sorry I’m late, I was writing my algorithm that would automate our military tactics.”

When did we become so allergic to verbs? When did “do the things” become some radical concept?

I’m not arguing that automation can’t be innovation. Of course it can be (see abacus –> calculator). The persistent desire by true innovators to build a better mouse trap has driven much of our species’ progress.

But at some point it goes too far, and the obsessive pursuit of efficiency through automation (*greed*) becomes an excuse to not get things done.

What the cult of the “hyper efficient” can’t grasp, is that by the time most of them are done obsessively building their rodent-trapping Rube Goldberg machine, all of the mice have already been caught by those willing to get their hands dirty. And worse yet, their damned cluster-mess of a contraption hasn’t caught a single mouse. Instead, all it keeps doing is collecting underpants.

Less shake weights. More pushups.
Especially when inventing shake weights is being used as a way to avoid pushups.

“But I wrote this music software and it can auto-magically write a crappy pop song!” 

(*gently slaps hand*) BAD. NO. Do not want.

“Why not?”

You need to write the crappy pop song. Because if you don’t, you’ll never learn to write a better pop song. And if you don’t write those better pop songs, what the hell is ChatGPT gonna rip off in 2056?? All kidding aside, if we become dependent on AI for producing creative and communicative works, at some point we’ll run so low on original material that the copies of the copies will become nothing but noise. Society will become one big music festival… of cover bands.

“What’s the big deal? You’re freaking out about robots eventually taking your order at the drive-thru.”

FFS. Don’t you know how many success stories started at the drive-thru?? THAT’S THE POINT.

Good leads to great. Even if the great you end up with isn’t what you were foreseeing.

It may be silly. It may take time. But until if/when the singularity happens (and robots harvest our faces), us knuckleheads here at this tiny (well dressed?) internet-lemonade-stand will:

• keep looking at stuff
• consider the price charged to acquire said stuff
• we will then subsequently use our brains (BRAAAINNNS) to decide whether that stuff would look good with some other stuff and whether or not it’s worth the money to most of you.

How quaint, right?

P.S…. ChatGPT wrote this piece.

P.P.S. No it didn’t.

“When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.”

–Walter Payton

Men’s style is super loud right now.

And the “look at me” thing has trickled down to the more affordable price points:

Target. J. Crew. Banana Republic.
Giving the people (lonely, scared, and yearning to be seen) what they want?

But it’s a mistake. It’s often sad, self-destructive nonsense. Here’s why.

Wearing excruciatingly loud stuff will draw attention to the wearer. Once they have that attention, they often expose themselves, in that moment, as being nothing more than an attention seeker.

Which will only torpedo their struggling confidence even more, leading their craving of attention to only grow, thus resulting in even less validation and feelings of acceptance… and the cycle continues.

Even the chicken isn’t impressed.

It’s freaking sad, man. It’s desperation. Posturing. A sartorial bridge to nowhere. A brightly suited, designer-logo wearing boy who cried wolf.

And as someone who has had rolling, ego-mutilating, crushing anxiety attacks for years now, I speak from experience.

My insecurities haven’t necessarily manifested themselves in wearing loud outfits. This job and how this website is positioned prevents that. But that’s probably one of the reasons why I’ve positioned Dappered so. Y’know, as a sort of self-regulating preventative measure against stepping out and garnering unwanted attention.

This is what it looks like to want attention but then hate it when you get it.

Hell, even my Doc said it:

“I’m diagnosing you with severe clinical depression. But you’re high performing. I have to ask. Do you hear voices?”

F*cking great. Thanks. Also, no. Not yet at least.

What I’m saying is I 100% understand what it’s like to be the loudest one in the room, and then suddenly realize you’ve exposed yourself as the weakest one in the room.

I might very well be doing that right now, with this post you’re presently reading.

Look, if the wearer of something absurdly (key word: absurdly) loud and flashy truly believed there was a “there” there within them (something to be admired, some sort of capability, something powerful and purposeful and truly “cool”), then they would feel absolutely zero need to draw such intense attention to themselves.

And all it takes is one, small moment. One misplaced exhale, and their entire mental house of cards will come tumbling down.

“Look at me!”
“Okay, I’m looking, now what.”
“Sh*t.”

Dammit lady, get that mic outta my face.

So what’s the solution?

Build and maintain a foundation. One that supports you and doesn’t sabotage you. One that reflects on the outside how you want to feel about yourself on the inside. No we don’t have to look the same. Yes this will all mean different things to different people. And of course we’re all gonna have fun with bright colors and prints now and again. C’mon, I’m not arguing for a universal “blah” uniform.

Yet you want to build a foundation which acknowledges dressing well is a means to an end. Or many different if not complimentary ends. Just avoid the trap of believing that dressing well in and of itself is somehow noble, exemplary, and unique. It’s not.

We all want to be acknowledged. Recognized as worthy by those we admire. That’s how we evolved. Because groups of people who like and value each other, working together, are more likely to survive when things get tough.

But noise for the sake of noise doesn’t do that.

Be known for more than your clothes.

Why you shouldn’t ask the internet: “Is my watch too big?”

Watch snobs are the worst.

“You know what they say about a man who wears a big watch… he’s compensating for a small something else“

Yet that’s almost always uttered by someone (often of modest stature or build?) sporting and showing off a luxury time-piece which cost him thousands. If wearing a hyper-expensive grossly outdated piece of “technology” as a status symbol isn’t deafening insecurity, then what is?

Or to put it more bluntly: Whoever smelt it, delt it.

“Yeah well, whoever made the rhyme did the crime.”

Stop it.

The American assembled Nodus Avalon II – $700.
43.5mm diameter. Also shown at the top of the post. Full review in the works. 

“Okay, so what watch size SHOULD I wear?”

Short answer: whatever size you want.

Longer answer: if you’re going for aesthetics (which that’s why we’re here, right?), favoring proportionality over trends works not just for suit fit, pant-leg width, and eyeglass frame size, but also for watch diameter. 

There’s sort of a rule-of-thirds (or, 2/3s) thing going on here between your watch, your wrist, your forearm, your upper arm, and your overall size. Watches that match your body type will look more “right” to most eyes than those that don’t. You’ll know it when you see it. Or maybe more importantly, you’ll know it when you feel it.

Pretty much the spectrum. 44mm to 34mm
Both can look great. Even in the same collection and worn by the very same guy. 

Which is precisely why the blanket smaller-is-better wristwatch trend is so misguided. Yes, a 43mm brick might look a bit “off” on someone with a slighter frame. But a more “classically sized” watch might look oddly dainty on someone broad-chested with pythons for arms.

Can guys with thinner frames wear bigger timepieces? Absolutely. Can broader guys wear smaller watches? 100%. There are no rules. Just guidelines.

So why does the “your watch is too big” thing persist?

An example of a man with a slighter frame making a larger timepiece work.
There are no rules.

Wrist-shot pictures are grossly misleading and often make a watch look bigger than it actually is

• Reddit: Do watches look bigger in pictures taken close up?
• watchuseek: Why do wrist shots make watches look bigger?
• RolexForums: Why watches look too big on wrist shots 

Science.

Most pictures of watches shown worn on the wrist are taken at a distance and angle that make the watch look significantly larger than it actually is. Once again, forever and always, photos on the internet fail to accurately represent reality.

Combine that photo/lens illusion with the hyper-judgmental #menswear culture on the internet, and too many of us have started dressing for the camera instead of real life.

A 38mm Dan Henry dress chrono.
Wears much smaller in real life. Because the internet isn’t real life.

TL;DR:

• The current less-is-more watch size #menswear zeitgeist is an overblown trend.
• This trend has been fueled by a hyper judgmental internet “culture” misled by warped wrist-shot photos.
• It is sometimes (but not always) exacerbated and perpetuated by men of modest build, upon which smaller watches naturally look more proportional. Thus, they’re more likely to favor smaller watches, and then the False Consensus Effect (believing their experience is universal) takes over.
• Saying “if you wear a big watch you have a small dong” makes you just as bad as those who wear big watches in an attempt to project masculinity. You’re the same guy. Hurt people hurt people.
• We should all be nicer to each other. The vast majority of us are insecure as hell. I sure am.
• Wear what you want. None of this matters.

“Hi, I’m some random guy on the internet. Do you have a second? I think your watch is too big.”
“Do you have a second to eat my farts?“

No one is saying you have to suit up every day (or at all). Hardly. We live in an era that leans heavily casual. But that also means it’s never been easier to dress up without really dressing up. So what happens when you just. don’t. want. to? Because you don’t have to, and hardly anyone else is trying? Here’s a list of 20 reasons to swim against the tide, and look decent when you don’t have to. Or don’t want to. 

1. When someone you find attractive wears something attractive, isn’t that great? Reciprocate the favor.
2. Being taken seriously isn’t something that happens to many of us, unless we look at least semi okay.
3. Practice makes comfortable. If you feel awkward dressed up? Wear that stuff more. This works. Promise.
4. You’ll project an air of mysteriousness.
5. Buying something nice and never wearing it is a waste of money. Wear it or sell it.

6. The bar is super low right now. Everything is relative. Take advantage.
7. Rest assured other people will wear the cargo shorts for you. The world won’t miss out.
8. Because dressing well projects competence and power. Don’t undersell yourself. Be honest about your capabilities. Dress like it.
9. You never know who you’ll run into.
10. It’ll help you see clothes, even your nice clothes, as just clothes. Nice clothes have power. But if you wear them when you don’t have to, you’ll have power over them, and not vice versa.

11. It’ll keep you in tune with how your stuff fits. You don’t want to be caught off guard when you need to look good (wedding, job interview, etc), and not have anything that fits.
12. Tucking a shirt in, or ironing, or shining shoes, is only a pain when you rarely do it.
13. It’s after 6 o’clock.
14. The days you don’t want to dress nice because your confidence sucks are precisely the days your confidence will be boosted by putting on decent clothes.
15. Cougars.

16. If you have a jack-arse of a boss/coworker who thinks he’s all that but isn’t AND dresses like crap, it’s hard for him to spin that lie when you look decent and he doesn’t.
17. You’ll look expensive. Even if your stuff isn’t.
18. People will often give you the benefit of the doubt.
19. Sometimes well dressed guys are seen by others as arrogant jerks. But if you’re a true nice guy (kind, respectful, etc.) and you’re also well dressed? The world is your oyster. People really seem to like that combo.
20. Opportunity may knock, but it hardly ever calls ahead to tell you it’s coming.

We all know a brash guy who proudly says “well I just don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” And that’s fine. But it’s almost certainly false. Because humans are programmed to desire at least tacit approval and acceptance from other humans. It’s part of the reason why a lot of us put some effort into dressing well. It helps in that area. Yet that axe can swing both ways. Because being a human is hard. Here are ten thoughts that might run through a well dressed guy’s head. And know that it’s okay.

1. I hope they don’t think I’m shallow.
2. I hope they don’t think I’m arrogant.
3. They must think I spend money foolishly.
4. They must think I’m just dying to have them ask me about my clothes. Or my shoes. Or my watch. And I really, really would rather talk about anything else, and I know that’s the last thing they want to talk about too. Please, please let me think about something other than the weather. Don’t talk about the weather. NO YOU JUST MENTIONED THE WEATHER.
5. I wonder if they think I think they’re underdressed. That I think everyone should dress just like me.
6. They must think I’m a player.
7. They must think I’m trying to compensate for being incapable. That I can’t do this. Even though I can.
8. They must think I want to be the center of attention, even though all I want is to be respected enough to be acknowledged but mostly left alone.
9. They must think I’m totally self absorbed, and don’t realize that the world can be a harsh, violent, terrible place, and that by simply being able to put on this (suit, shirt, pair of shoes) I’m luckier than 99.9% of all humans that have ever existed, past or present. And that fact sparks both immense gratitude as well as an overwhelming, paralyzing sense of shame and guilt. Like, who am I? Who do I think I am, to dress myself like this?
10. I hope they don’t think I’m worried about what they think.

A lot of us gave up in 2020, and it’s hasn’t exactly been easy since. Whether it was stylistically, nutritionally, intellectually, or otherwise, a lot of us just flat gave up. And I get it. I wanted to too. And I did in parts. Far too often, if I’m being honest.

But a lot of that white-flag-waving was fueled by the flawed idea that it’s all or nothing. You know, winning is everything. Or, second place is the first loser.

Because if you’re stuck at home for months on end, what’s the point? If it’s not gonna be great, why try?

Pants? The hell are pants? Time for another bag of flamin’ hot Cheetos and more raging on message boards about how someone or something sucks donkey balls!

Right.

The point is, “Great” is overrated. And that worshiping of perfection is an instigator of failure. It’s an instigator of failure because “Great” is really freaking hard, and it also requires an immense amount of luck. So if circumstances aren’t perfect (like during a pandemic) then why even bother?

We bother because there is another way.

Get good at being Good.

Why?

Because consistent “Good” is infinitely better than quitting/delaying/giving-up because “Great” seems impossible.

“But I wanna be GREAT Joe! GAWWWD.”

Don’t worry. A funny thing happens when you’re good at being good. You also end up hitting on great every so often along the way. Get your “good” production line humming along, cranking out “good” after “good” every day, and I’ll be damned if a “GREAT!” doesn’t roll off the line every so often. Go for consistent, daily “good”, and you’ll hit “great” arguably much more often than if you would’ve been chasing great all the time. Counter-intuitive yes, but chock full of so much pragmatism that you’ll drown in the efficacy.

You want proof?

You’re reading it.

Here, dear reader. I got you a good.

Getting good at being Good is why Dappered is still around more than a decade into this nonsense. We are not going viral, breaking new trends, or being controversial.

We’re good. We. are. good. Come, see the consistent good. Bathe in our proficient mediocrity.

2020 was bad for the world. 2021… also bad. 2022 was challenging for sure. And we don’t know what the heck 2023 has in store. It almost certainly won’t be all sunshine and lollipops.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t get good at being good.